Post by Giacamo on Aug 3, 2013 1:07:44 GMT -5
Where do I start. Just typing on this makes me feel euphoric and slightly high with nostalgia. its like im walking through the ruins of an old civilization that only I, and a handful of people around the world ever knew about. 70, 80, other people?
i was just a kid the last time i was on this board. Its been so long, im so different, im a man now. I never would have guessed that one night, so late, and alone in my apartment that i would think back to the times i had on this board talking with strangers and developing the pseudo-relationships i did. It was magical, there really is no other word to describe it. As a kid i always felt alone, but when i came on here, i was among other people who were just like me. It was an escape, and an enlightening time (although embarrassing to look back on in retrospect haha)
Things are so different now....the complexity of life has had no limits since my innocent times on this board. I doubt anyone will ever read this, but i think it makes it more beautiful this way. I know for a fact im not the first member of this board to come wandering back years later to look at the hieroglyphics left behind from our childhoods. Im sure i wont be the last person to wander through here and look at the most recent posts on this site. And 1,2, or maybe even another 7 years, someone might read this. And theyll be smiling, because i know they feel exactly the same as I feel now.
God i don't even know how to express what its like to be here right now. Its like, when i just focus on this screen, and forget my modern life, I'm 15 again. In the house i grew up in, with my family, when it was a family. And im with all of you. Looking back and actually thinking about it, i realize how important this part of my life was. It was my earliest development of myself. My first outreach to the world, my first exposure to the world outside the bubble my childhood was inside (as are most). Being here is like literally looking at old pictures you thought you had lost. The few hours ive spent looking over the ridiculous things i typed, its like a time machine, it is the ultimate and painful method to reflect on my growth as a human being. To an outsider it would seem stupid, but as an insider, im sure you'd understand.
So many emotions, so much confusion, so much tenderness. The innocence and the naivety. At what point did i lose all of these things? at some point I was the person who posted on here, and now I am the current me, how gradual was it? when did the switch flip? what experiences turned me into the hardened, almost bitter person i am now?
ive been writing this for about 45 minutes now. I know im rambling, but i dont care, but ive just realized something. Once i post this, it will be no diffrent than all of my other posts from when i was a kid. It will be in the same plane of existence, its like i came back to a cave to draw more paintings.
I miss this site, i miss being carefree, i miss the excitement and wonder the world used to hold, i miss the endless potential i thought my life had. I miss my childhood.
This site stands like a monument for me to visit and reflect, i will continually try to come back here, and read more. To reflect more, until it becomes too much to bare, i will try.
I know im being super melodramatic, but this is the only place i can be, where else could i express such feelings? Everyone is living so fast, concerned with their own lives, their kids, their boyfriends and girlfriends, work, their next party. Im not. I dont know what i want. Thats not true, what i want, what i REALLY want, is to have that fire, that glow, that wonder towards the world that i had when i posted on this site.
If anyone ever reads this, if youve made it to the end of a mans introspective heart at 2 AM, im sure i may have touched on at least some feelings that you have too. If youre one of the people i used to talk to. Rain, Koda, Sapphire, Amber, Fren, Darkness, im here, ive never met you, youve never met me, but you all knew a part of me that no one can ever meet now. I will try to find you with the resources on this site, but if you find me first, my email is chewski1990@yahoo.com
Sayonara, Darq Sapphire.
~Nick
i was just a kid the last time i was on this board. Its been so long, im so different, im a man now. I never would have guessed that one night, so late, and alone in my apartment that i would think back to the times i had on this board talking with strangers and developing the pseudo-relationships i did. It was magical, there really is no other word to describe it. As a kid i always felt alone, but when i came on here, i was among other people who were just like me. It was an escape, and an enlightening time (although embarrassing to look back on in retrospect haha)
Things are so different now....the complexity of life has had no limits since my innocent times on this board. I doubt anyone will ever read this, but i think it makes it more beautiful this way. I know for a fact im not the first member of this board to come wandering back years later to look at the hieroglyphics left behind from our childhoods. Im sure i wont be the last person to wander through here and look at the most recent posts on this site. And 1,2, or maybe even another 7 years, someone might read this. And theyll be smiling, because i know they feel exactly the same as I feel now.
God i don't even know how to express what its like to be here right now. Its like, when i just focus on this screen, and forget my modern life, I'm 15 again. In the house i grew up in, with my family, when it was a family. And im with all of you. Looking back and actually thinking about it, i realize how important this part of my life was. It was my earliest development of myself. My first outreach to the world, my first exposure to the world outside the bubble my childhood was inside (as are most). Being here is like literally looking at old pictures you thought you had lost. The few hours ive spent looking over the ridiculous things i typed, its like a time machine, it is the ultimate and painful method to reflect on my growth as a human being. To an outsider it would seem stupid, but as an insider, im sure you'd understand.
So many emotions, so much confusion, so much tenderness. The innocence and the naivety. At what point did i lose all of these things? at some point I was the person who posted on here, and now I am the current me, how gradual was it? when did the switch flip? what experiences turned me into the hardened, almost bitter person i am now?
ive been writing this for about 45 minutes now. I know im rambling, but i dont care, but ive just realized something. Once i post this, it will be no diffrent than all of my other posts from when i was a kid. It will be in the same plane of existence, its like i came back to a cave to draw more paintings.
I miss this site, i miss being carefree, i miss the excitement and wonder the world used to hold, i miss the endless potential i thought my life had. I miss my childhood.
This site stands like a monument for me to visit and reflect, i will continually try to come back here, and read more. To reflect more, until it becomes too much to bare, i will try.
I know im being super melodramatic, but this is the only place i can be, where else could i express such feelings? Everyone is living so fast, concerned with their own lives, their kids, their boyfriends and girlfriends, work, their next party. Im not. I dont know what i want. Thats not true, what i want, what i REALLY want, is to have that fire, that glow, that wonder towards the world that i had when i posted on this site.
If anyone ever reads this, if youve made it to the end of a mans introspective heart at 2 AM, im sure i may have touched on at least some feelings that you have too. If youre one of the people i used to talk to. Rain, Koda, Sapphire, Amber, Fren, Darkness, im here, ive never met you, youve never met me, but you all knew a part of me that no one can ever meet now. I will try to find you with the resources on this site, but if you find me first, my email is chewski1990@yahoo.com
Sayonara, Darq Sapphire.
~Nick